I love you Graeme

Pay me please! List of my favourite Graeme's in the world right now:

1. Graeme McDowell
2. All other Graeme's
189307. Graeme Dott

There was a worrying moment when Sky decided to break midway through the final round. I tried resetting the box 4 or 5 times to no avail before breaking down in tears. After recomposing myself I found a dodgy online stream to watch McDowell bring it home and become the first British major winner in over a decade and the first British US Open winner since 1970. A truly remarkable achievement.

Some omore

So time to catch up...

Life has been treating me well since I last wrote back in February. Sadly I never quite managed to succeed in my challenge after an early setback in week 1 where my partner in crime Sherlock Keys discovered that the girl who worked in the sandwich shop had a boyfriend. Bastard. Keys is a bastard as well for being so efficient at facebook stalking. After this heartbreak I never got going and I occasionally I still look yearningly towards McDonalds as I leave in the mornings and see you know who dishing out Egg McMuffins to obese businessmen. One day we shall unite and I will be sure to invite you all to the wedding. Amusingly I noted in my 2010 goals (lolz goals are so gay) that I pledged to donate £10 to charity every time I ate at Maccy D's. Needless to say I won't be meeting that goal since I need money to live off for the rest of the year.

Unfortunately I spent a fair bit of time doing work in the last 3 months. Actually that is a bit of a lie. I was sent a gigantic pack of notes to revise in my own time in preparation for two exams I sat in May. After receiving the notes I hid them in a drawer at work for 2 months and hoped they would go away. They didn't obv. On the realisation that they were still there 2 weeks before the exam I then spent the remaining time cramming and romped through the exams as usual. I always knew problems would arise when I had to learn off my own back at home, and I really do need pushing in these situations. Next week I am heading to Edinburgh for another 11 week spell of alcohol fused benders with some learning and exams thrown in for good measure. I work much better in these situations. Probably because I am an alcoholic.

Then came Lash Vegas. This was by far the most enjoyable trip I've ever had, mainly due to a combination of staying in the house, not doing much gambling, and some fantastic nights out. We had a house about a 10 minute drive from the strip fully equipped with pool, hot tub, BBQ (never used) and pool table (likewise never used). On my first day I headed to the Rio to have a look around before moving onto the Venetian to play a $550. It was a super soft tournament. I arrived about an hour after it had started and sat down next to some incred fit female player with a UB badge on (later transpires it is the Tiffany Michelle - some bint who luckboxed a deep main event run a few years ago and got a dodgy sponsorship deal off the back of it). The very first hand I sat down I owned her for a huge chunk of her stack and realised that she probably didn't want to have sex with me anymore. Not to worry, poker > sex. After progressing smoothly through the field of absolute retards I 4 bet jammed AQ* into a loose players KK and busted with about 100 left of the original 450 players. On reflection I'm not sure he was loose, on he'd just moved to the table but he was young and had a full tilt cap on so must have been competent enough to be 3 betting wider than KK+. (*AQ=T3dd, but I told Keys AQ when retelling the story so keep this one hushed up please).

I spent the majority of the next few days at the Rio. It is quite an amazing sea of poker tables during the WSOP and it was a lot of fun just playing some small stakes cash, railing a bit and generally soaking up the atmosphere. Decided to get involved in one WSOP event; a $1k weekend donkament with around 4 million runners. These low buyin tournaments are very much crapshoots early doors but the structure does get better as you get deeper and if a good player can get a stack they should be able to make a decent run. It was 3k starting chips with 1 hour levels starting at 25/25. I played a lot of pots early on and dipped to 1200 before soaring upto around 8000 during the second level. It was already a decent start so imagine my delight when I flopped a set of eights and some guy went beserk with his betting. Needless to say his set of kings held up and I was back to my starting stack again :(. This went in on the first hand of 50/100 with 67ss on a Q53ss flop against AQ and my bracelet dream was left to wait another year.

The nights out were simply the highlight of the trip though. I've now developed quite a liking for having breakfast before going to bed and am trialing having a meal pre bedtime now I am home. The first time we went out was to The Bank in Bellagio, a pretty small classy club which was full of amazing girls. We were sat drinking in a bar nextdoor when the waitress very kindly offered to get us into the club for free without having to queue. This put us on an insta high and we turbo headed for the club entrance in a buoyant mood. The four of us all had a whale of a time that night, slipping down gin and tonics and chatting to the incred females. Some epic tales evolved from that night but as you all know; what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas! Other interesting nights out included a wild west style bar with line dancing and a bucking bronco, a trip to an out of town shopping precinct with a bunch of bars, and the ridic trip to Sapphire where we managed to spend 5 hours in a strip club and Keys and Sida both fell in love with strippers. I kept them company and did my absolute bankroll in the process. At least I didn't go to for a dodgy massage afterwards though.

Returning home to real life was a bit of an anti climax by comparison. On reflection not only was this my favourite Vegas trip but it also happened to be my cheapest by far! The profit from cash games and the small amount of gambling I did with just expenses and the cost of a couple of tournaments meant I was delighted from a financial sense. Now I'm back I've got straight back on my latest craze which is a return to golf betting. At the start of April myself and a couple of others at work got into placing weekly PGA Tour bets and I'm now putting in several hours a week researching. So far it's going well and I managed a spell of 4 top 5's in a row all at decent prices; Bo Van Pelt, Ben Crane, Jeff Overton and Fredrik Jacobson. All of those bets stood to win huge if they had come in but I still made a tidy profit from the place bets. It's very frustrating to have so many near missed though but I'm gonna just keep plugging away. This week I've got some real hope going into the third round of the US Open where I have managed to back the current leader Graeme McDowell at 60's, Alex Cejka at 630's (currently tied 6th), and Luke Donald who fell back a bit after a promising opening round. Hopefully one of them can bink.

I hope that fills some of you in on what I've been upto! I'd like to post more often and keep in touch with people more efficiently but in reality I do tend to be busy with work and social occasions. Looks like i've failed that 2010 goal as well. All the very best to anyone still in/travelling out to Vegas, and to everyone else grinding away at home whether that be in poker or work. Laters.

Hmmm

So the challenge is not going well. I made a risky manouvre the other day in McDonalds in an attempt to get a photo but sadly the iPhone camera has let me down badly. The following feeble attempts were all I could muster without running the risk of getting caught. I was definitely spotted by another member of staff with the first blatant attempt, so tried a more subtle random aim and fire whilst at the till which almost worked. Sadly on closer inspection I actually ended up with a great shot of the knobhead manager (tilts me so badly that guy) and a blurred image of the potential prize.

I am reluctant to carry on this challenge. This should have been the easy one and I fail to see how I can possibly whack out my camera in the middle of a quiet sandwich shop if I can't even succeed in a packed Maccy D's. I'm also slightly worried about getting arrested, losing my job and ruining my life. But I shall try once more as I think it's worth the risk, just don't expect any results in the near future.

A pgchips challenge

You may remember some of the epic challenges pgchips succeeded in during his time in the blogging world. He proved it was profitable to play every hand at Omaha Hilo, he won 150 buyins in a week at 1c/2c Hold'em, he gave up alcohol for at least 3 days and went on a fitness regime that would push any poker players limits. He very nearly succeeded in the infamous penthouse challenge. Now I am setting my own challenge.

The challenge is as follows:

I will attempt to gain photographic evidence of my 3 favourite food attendants in West Bridgford hard at work in their respective catering jobs.

The candidates are:

1. McDonalds Lauren. We know all about this girls talents and ability to make me run back to the flat for cold showers. She has come on leaps and bounds in the last 6 months and potential is there. My stalking skills lead me to believe she only works weekends now but i'll check the rota next time I go in.

2. Polish Chip Shop Girl. Still fit, still flirty and still giving out free fishcakes willy nilly. This will be the easiest photo I think given she is visible through the window from the street at all times.

3. Philo's sandwich girl. The new entry, and by far the best of the bunch in all fairness. Keys laps her up with at least 4 weekly trips for a coffee and sandwich and now I'm getting in the act. Perfect in every way and is referred to as 'the nuts' on every single visit.

This is a tough challenge. Option 1 is the subtle approach. For obvious reasons I don't want to get caught so I'm going to have to go undercover with my iphone and try and get some quickfire shots for your viewing. The problem with this will inevitably be quality. Option 2 is to ask them for a photo but I can hardly think of any situation where this will happen without them questioning my motives. I also really don't want to upset any of them, especially Philo's sandwich girl who I plan on marrying at some point in the next ten years.

On success photos will be posted on this blog. Hopefully this isn't illegal but I'm hardly going to ask their permission first. Voting shall then commence and after 1 week I will take the winning candidate for a slap up dinner and drinks. Wish me luck.

MMX

I'm really looking forward to this year.

Looking back 2009 was an absolute blast for the most part. Despite entering the scary world of full time employment (first anniversary today!) I have enjoyed this year so much and have so many fantastic memories. It's blogging tradition to review and set goals at the start of each year, and being a blogging veteran of over 3 years I know the way it works. Here goes.

2009 review

1. Do well at my job, giving my best at all times

There's two ways to look at this for me. I'm going to take the poker player approach first; that being it's results that matter. I've crushed all my exams and done well in the office, receiving high praise and gaining a reputation for producing work of a high standard. On paper it looks good.

The truth is I know I could do better. Very occasionally I have an epiphany and for a short period, maybe 2 weeks at a time, will turn over a new leaf and be super efficient in both work and life. I tidy up, eat well, work hard and then one weekend decide to get drunk and am back to square one. So utterly frustrating. The truth is that I am still a lazy bastard at heart and somewhere in my life I am going to pay the penalty and slip up. In many respects it would be a positive event for me to fail an exam, just to see whether I care about the job enough to change my mindset and discover some drive and will to succeed. Deep down I think I would.

2. Play enough poker to remain competent, keep up with the times as well as making a nice amount on the side of my salary.

The vagueness of this goal sums up where I was a year ago, and probably still am. Totally unsure of how much time I'd be able to dedicate to the game and a massive risk I might lose touch altogether and cut myself off. I have loved this game so much for so many years I just can't understand why this is the case. In the past I'd spend hours dreaming about life changing moments, high profile final tables, huge scores and ridiculous bluffs. I just don't do that anymore. My passion has gone.

Ironically 2009 saw the moment I regarded at the time as my finest poker moment, not that the list is huge. One Sunday evening in DTD I managed to chop the deepstack for a shade under £16k. That is it, my pathetic best poker moment. I was left to come home, go to bed, and then go to work the next morning. The buzz lasted a few days and the money bought me a new car.

I've since had a realisation that this wasn't even close to my finest poker moment. Financially it was by far my greatest accomplishment but on a personal level it's way down in terms of meaning and enjoyment. My best poker moment was without question the decision to go to the very first poker society meeting back in 2005. I am so glad I met everyone I did. Thank you for another year of fantastic memories. You know who you are.

I can't arsed to write about poker and my feelings towards the game at current. There will be no poker goals for 2010. If stuff is going to happen, it will find a way of happening. I just can't force it anymore.

3. Join a gym and all that other shit

I joined a gym. It costs me around £50 a month. It's probably quite nice.

4. Drink more at weekends

I'm not even sure what I meant by this, but presumably it was a combination of drinking less during the week and making the most of weekends. Since being single means having more free weekends, I've killed this goal and had some fantastic times.

It was in April I took the decision to end my 2 and a half year relationship. To many this came totally out of the blue but it had been on the back of my mind for a few weeks beforehand, if not longer. It's really hard to know the intricate details of other peoples relationships and I don't have to explain my decision to anyone. We were so different in so many ways but it worked so well, and there were so many happy moments. We were also best friends and I felt like such a bastard for making such a selfish decision and hurting someone so much. I just saw this as a new chapter of my life and I needed a clean break; a fresh start. It was the right decision and I don't regret it but it was horrible and I hated myself for it.

I'm not sure why I'm even writing this to be honest. It's upset me.

Fortunately I wasn't down for too long and the fantastic times since have been in abundance. I'm lucky to have so many good friends that were around for me afterwards to help me forget about being a selfish twat. In time I will be ready for another relationship but I'm still so young and immature that I'm happy to just enjoy the good times as they come round.

5. Post on here regularly

My problem is that I'm picky and don't like boring posts, so I wait until I'm ready before I write. In many respects this is the reason I'm still going. The swings in quality on here are huge but hopefully from time to time I can keep people amused and at the same time update on my dull life. I'm happy with the 22 posts in 2009, given the amount of time I spent studying. And drinking.

2010 goals

It's become clear to me throughout the second half of the year I don't have enough drive and motivation in my life. It's really important to improve this aspect of my life in 2010. The first 3 goals are very important to me personally, the rest are just for entertainment value.

1. Run a half marathon

Joking aside, I did start going to the gym during the second half of the year, especially when I was in Edinburgh. I've also started playing football on a regular basis and my fitness is far better than it was a year ago, despite slacking over the festive period. I want to run a half marathon, possibly the Great North Run, depending on fitting it training around studying.

2. Pass my exams and be graded as an exceptional performer at work

3. Save some money

Spending is still a problem. I set up my pension (lol!) so I pay 4% of my salary each month into that, which is matched by my employer. From next paycheck I promise to move 10% straight away into a savings account. To take to Vegas in 2015.

4. No McDonalds

Every time I go to McDonalds for dinner I will donate £10 to a charity of fit Lauren's choice.

5. Bone a DTD valet

6. Keep my readers happy by posting on here.

Happy New Year everyone!

Gary Megson

Gartside finally bit the bullet and sacked Megson yesterday. It was the news I'd been hoping to wake up to when I went to bed in a foul mood after we'd thrown away a 2 goal lead against Hull.

It's easy for non Bolton fans to look in from the outside and feel sorry for a man, seemingly doing a reasonable job, being verbally terrorised by his own fans and constantly booed. On the flip side it is easy for Bolton fans to get carried away with the golden Allardyce days and be misleaded into thinking we should be spending each year inside the top half pushing for a place in Europe, as a result getting on any managers back who isn't Sam. The fact is that Megson didn't help his own cause.

His signing of Johan Elmander for £10million was shocking. I remember watching the European Championships and seeing Sweden play this guy as a fill in winger to absolutely no effect. He was slow, had a poor first touch and created nothing in the games he played. At the time I couldn't believe he was scoring so many goals in the French League. A week later Megson had made him a club record signing. His 8 goals in 2 years have cost £1.25million each and cost Megson his job.

Secondly his tactical decisions and substitutions during matches were abysmal. I don't watch Bolton for 90 minutes every week but I know from the matches on tv and MOTD highlights how wrong he was liable to get it. The removal of Klasnic for Gavin McCann on Tuesday when we were 2-1 up, changing to a 4-5-1, was dreadful. Even at 2-2 he then continued this and, as a result, Hull came close to winning. This was the final nail in the coffin as far as the fans were concerned.

Thirdly, and worst of all for me, was something he did soon after he took over. We played Sporting Lisbon for a place in the quarter finals of the UEFA cup. As a lifelong fan this was the pinnacle of everything I'd ever hoped to see, and we stood a real chance of progressing deep in the competition. Megson rested all 11 first team players, deeming the Wigan game on the Sunday to be more important. We lost both games and I will probably never see my beloved club play in Europe again in my life. I will never forgive him for this.

Never again

I played one of the DTD £100 tourns yesterday, mainly through boredom and lack of stuff to do. It started at 2pm and I fully planned on being back at the flat by 3pm or having a ridiculously fast start. On arrival there were 250 people who thought they could play a bit of pokers, each putting up £112 of their kids Christmas money for 10k in chips that they could limp fold away. I know what you are thinking, it sounds like hell. You would be right.

As expected I was steaming within 10 minutes of the off. I got some fantastic advice from a neighbour after snap folding T9 faceup on a T98 board after some guy had obviously flopped the nuts. Thank you sir for informing me I had a redraw to the nuts and was getting implied odds with my 4 outs. I probably should have backraised.

Sadly by 3.30pm I had a 40k stack. Ffs. I'd never been less interested in any tournament in all my life or cared so little. I spent chunks of the early stages just sitting in the bar wishing I was back at the flat but somehow I'd managed to build up a stack. I've not posted any hands on here for ages so lets spread the love. I'd advise skipping this bit to be honest, poker is boring and shit.

1. Blinds 50-100. 10k stack. I had 63hh in middle position and did a raise to 300. The big blind frowned cause I'd raised his blind once before and then inevitably flatted to make a stand. A sexy looking 863 rainbow flop was spread and my c-bet of 550 was snapped off. Then on the 9 turn he snap check raised my 1200 bet to 3000 obv bluffing. So I smoothed rather than giving him a chance to fold and then he did the rest on a blank river. TYVM sir.

2. Blinds 100-200. 18k stack. UTG raised to 500, fish in MP not concentrating put in 200 but was told it's been raised before begrudgingly putting in 500, strong play sir. There were then 2 other callers and I obviously squeezed bullets in the big blind and did a backraise to something like 2400. Obviously everyone called, the majority with around a quarter of their stacks by now. Looking good. Flop 987cc and I'm first to act with 4 players behind. Already decided beforehand I'm never folding so I did a check at this point to confuse everyone. It was checked around and then it went bananas on the 3 turn after I led out for 4k. The guy who didn't event want to be in the pot originally moved in for 10k with 53cc, another for 8k with JJ, and then someone else folded the other JJ. Naturally on the day I wanted to bust I faded half the deck on the river and was catapulted upto 40k to ensure my level of pain was extended for a further few hours.

I didn't even spew many of them off in style. I think I managed to lose 10k in a hand where I got it in with no pair, no draw on the turn drawing completely dead which was comical but a further 20k went with AQss v AK on an A62ss flop. Obviously more advice followed after both hands, needless to say I took it well. So down to 10k and the end was in site. However at this point Keys arrived for some pints and I inevitably started drinking and suddenly the tournament became fun. I managed to get back up to 25k putting my tournament life on the line by just shoving over raises with shite, people continued to fold all sorts. Some guy 3 bet folded AK when I horrendously 4 bet allin with 66 in an attempt to bust and go drinking and then somehow the button and BB did folds with 88 and 99 respectively after I'd shipped in over the raise with some shitty Jx suited from the SB. With Keysie by the table I increased my activity levels further and started making hilarious 2.1x and 2.2x raises but remained static relative to the blinds before I was finally put out of my misery losing a 60k race with 33 v AQ to virtually bust. I think I came 60th or something shit, don't really care.

This tournament was far more tolerable once I'd started drinking so should I ever be unfortunate enough to play one of these again I will be on pints from the start. Afterwards we got hammered and played Omaha against Bowburn and some fish. I spewed off a few hundo inevitably and then we headed to town where some bouncers decided we weren't wearing suitable footwear to gain access to what seemed like the only bar in Nottingham still open. Now I was back on tilt so we headed home and downed a bottle of wine in front of Fawlty Towers to detilt.

Yet another day of holiday wasted wallowing in self pity and hungover. What a life.